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80% of all Transgender Women Make These Same Mistakes...
Over and Over Again!
Are YOU making any of these mistakes?
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Make up your own face by
understanding that different kinds of faces need different methods.
You'll learn male to female makeovers before and after.
Create your own cleavage with my
detailed step by step instructions.
You want to look fertile in order to enhance your feminine appearance.
Hide your ugly bulge even when you
are in a revealing bathing suit.
You want your "genital area" to look smooth and flat.
Learn to dress as a female by knowing
different styles of dresses,
fashion tips and types of feminine garments.
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You want admiring glances and compliments instead of rousing laughter.
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How to be super glamorous -- Envy those Las Vegas
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What to wear to look like that teenage slut that you've
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(also trains pageant contestants)
Tips for Passing as a Woman
The Transgender Companion (Male To Female):
The Complete Guide to Becoming the Woman You Want to be
by Jennifer Seeley
The Young Lady's Guide to Charm, Style and Femininity
by Keisha Clark
How to BE a Lady:
A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy
by Candace Simpson-Giles
Better Than Beauty: A Guide to Charm
by H. Valentine & A. Thompson
How to Live Like a Lady: Lessons in Life, Manners and Style
by Sarah Tomczak
A Guide to Elegance:
For Every Woman Who Wants to be Well and Properly Dressed on All Occasions
by Genevieve Antoine Dariaux
As a Lady Would Say:
Responses to Life's Important (and Sometimes Awkward) Situations
by Sheryl Shade
Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior
by Judith Martin
Miss Manners' Guide to Table Manners & Eating Without Annoying
by Judith Martin
The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette
by Nancy Tuckerman
Etiquette for Dummies
by Sue Fox
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette
by Mary Mitchell
For Boys Who Want To Be Girls !
This is an actual legitimate crossdressing school for crossdressers!
Great textbook is also available with tips from her finishing school for boys who want to be
Also check out Miss Vera's popular new book: "Cross-Dress
List of Famous or Otherwise Notable Transgender Persons and
How to Look HOT in
Your Femme Photos
Photos are a great way to share your feminine side with the world …
and they can give you a huge confidence boost as a woman.
But, I get it…you probably think you have to be born beautiful to look hot
Guess again! Looking great in photos is a SKILL.
Here are 5 photo posing secrets I learned while working as a fashion photo
stylist in NY:
1. Create an hourglass shape
Never face the camera straight on. This gives your body a square, boxy look.
Instead, sit or stand with your hips facing sideways and twist at the waist
so your shoulders face forward.
This creates the illusion of an hourglass shape.
2. Think pretty thoughts
The camera captures everything!
If you feel bad about yourself, it will be reflected in your photos.
Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel attractive…
Tell yourself you’re hot or imagine that you’re a supermodel.
“Pretty thoughts” definitely shine through in photos.
3. Go for natural looking makeup
Don’t pose with dark or sparkly makeup. Dark makeup looks harsh, while
sparkly or iridescent makeup
doesn’t reflect light well in photos.
Instead, keep your lips light and play up your eyes for a natural, feminine
Use lots of powder since camera lights reflect shine.
4. Find your best side
Everybody has a good side and a not-as-good side.
Experiment with different facial angles until you find your best look.
(Note: a 3/4 view of your face is more flattering than a straight on view.)
Two more tips: Stretch your neck out to avoid a double chin and tilt your
chin down slightly to make your eyes look bigger.
5. Keep your arms away from your body
Arms are a trouble spot for many TG girls. Posing with your arms pressed
against your body makes them look even bigger.
Hold your arms away from your body for a slimming effect.
Have You Experienced This Transgender Problem?
How often have you seen this common scenario
A male-to-female transgender person goes through
all of their required counseling and therapy,
12 month Real Life Test, hormone replacement
therapy, facial feminization
breast augmentation, and full gender reassignment surgery...
just to end up a year or two later becoming
and even having intense feelings toward suicide.
Believe it or not, that is precisely what ends up happening to
many post-transitional Male-to-Female transgender persons.
Are you wondering why this happens so frequently?
actual answer may astound you...
The most common reason is simply due to the fact that MOST transgender people
infinite amount of time
and effort on changing and improving their physical selves,
but never give much thought or energy to
improving and feminizing their mental and emotional selves during
that transitioning process.
Therefore, a large percentage of transgender persons tend to become
little more than a...
"man going through life in a woman's body!"
Over the next several weeks,
ABGender.com will be offering you a FREE course that will work to
improve your mental and emotional self, so
better able to succeed happily
in your new life as a COMPLETE and
For week # 1, my suggestion to you is:
Answer every one
of the following questions thoroughly and honestly...
During the past 15 years since I began
getting serious about my transgender aspirations,
I have come across literally tens of thousands of transgender persons.
Throughout those years, there was one question that I had heard asked far
more often than any other
by people who were considering starting their transitioning process.
That one very simple question is:
I Transition to Become a Woman?
While the question may be simple, the answer tends to be far less straight
Naturally, whenever I've heard this
question asked at the hundreds of TG support group meetings I've attended,
the majority of attendees shout out things like: "Yes, yes...DO IT!!
Don't wait, you'll
be so glad you did it!"
Therefore, a support group meeting often tends to become not much more than
a "pep rally" with little
genuine concern about this person's underlying welfare. And, so peer
pressure to 'fit in' becomes
a primary focus...when, it really shouldn't even be a factor in the decision
process at all.
Now, how certain are you that those support group attendees truly have your best interests in
However, in order to constructively
answer the question of whether or not you should transition,
you really do need to be able to answer this series of tougher questions
that I always ask people...
Do you have a job/career? Do you
have a home? Do you have a vehicle that is not yet paid for?
Do you have financial independence? Do you have insurance? Do
you have respect in the community?
Are you 100% willing to LOSE ALL OF THAT???
Do you have any parents? Do you
have any children? Do you have any siblings?
Do you have any relatives? Do you have any friends? Do you have
a significant other?
Do you have any coworkers? Do you have an employer? Do any of
them have friends who know you?
Do you have anybody in your life who likes and admires you?
Are you fully prepared to betray, hurt and embarrass EACH AND EVERY
ONE OF THEM???
Why is it you'll almost never hear gender
therapists and support group facilitators
asking you those tough questions?
Now, I realize many of you may be
thinking that these are not fair questions to ask
someone who is merely 'considering' changing their sex/gender. But the
simple fact is, if we stay
locked comfortably within the comfort zone of our own little fantasy
world, and never prepare
ourselves for the potentially harsh reality that transitioning often brings,
who is really to blame when somebody becomes severely depressed and
The hard fact remains, that until
transgender people gain their universal respect and acceptance
throughout society, then transitioning may not necessarily be the wisest
choice for everyone!
Yes, those ARE tough questions, indeed.
But they all need to be answered before you should even
consider going down that long, winding, pothole-filled road into
Perhaps you might consider just
cross-living for a while? That is, living in the female role without
beginning hormone therapy, just to 'test the waters' rather than simply
jumping head first into the fire.
why so many transgender people tend to become depressed:
"We often get depressed when our reality
does not live up to the expectations of our fantasies."
For week # 2, my suggestion to you is:
Transgender people are notorious for not
smiling often enough.
Whenever you start to feel down or
depressed, just start smiling!
Try this simple experiment:
Notice exactly how you are feeling at this very moment.
Then, start grinning a BIG SMILE (showing lots of teeth) and keep smiling
for 20 seconds.
Now, notice how differently you feel after smiling for 20 seconds.
Don't you feel happier and lighter than you had just a few seconds ago?
This is caused by a powerful
physiological release of endorphins (our body's natural pain killers)
in our brain that automatically occurs whenever we smile...
which boosts our serotonin levels, thus helping us
to feel happier.
Smiling simply makes us feel better whether we want it to or not.
I use this wonderful smiling technique
everyday...like...just before I dial the phone,
I start smiling for just a few seconds. And that makes the entire call go
much more smoothly.
Or when somebody cuts me off on the highway, rather than getting angry, I
just smile at them.
Don't you think this world would be a happier place if we all started
Try it, you'll like it!
"Smile, it gives
your face something positive to do." :o)
For week # 3, my suggestion for you is:
Feed The RIGHT Dog Every Day...
In the final issue of the now
defunct Positive Thinking Magazine,
there was a very enlightening
that I wanted to share with all of you - titled:
"Feed The Right Dog: Eleven easy ways to cultivate positive energy in
by Jon Gordon.
Let me share a simple story. A man goes to the village wise
woman about what's troubling him.
He says, "I feel like there
are two dogs inside me. One dog is positive, loving, kind and
enthusiastic. The other is this mean-spirited, jealous and
They fight all the time. I don't know who is
going to win."
The woman thinks for a moment and says,
"I know who is going to win.
It's the dog you feed the most.
So, be sure to feed the positive dog."
Each of us has a positive dog and a negative dog inside us.
The key is to feed the right dog,
so it becomes bigger and
stronger. And, always keep in mind that,
negative thinking tends to become addictive in all of us!
Therefore, each day we must make a conscious choice
to feed ourselves with positive energy
rather than negativity.
The actions are simple. We just need to make them a habit.
Here are some ways to feed your positive dog:
1) Repeat to yourself with
emphasis: "I LIKE MYSELF". This
quickly builds your self-esteem.
2) Practice Gratitude. It's impossible to be stressed and
thankful at the same time.
3) Laugh and play. It's not just for kids.
4) Listen to your favorite music,
5) Think of your greatest moment whenever you're feeling down.
6) Start a journal making note of your successes, big and
7) Get together with a positive,
8) Call someone who has made a positive difference in your
life and thank them for it.
9) Engage in a random act of kindness.
10) Read uplifting books, or watch inspiring movies.
11) Go for a 'gratitude walk' each day, where you say
...whatever you see that you like and that brings you
i.e. singing birds, pretty flowers, soft breeze, finding a quarter on
the ground, etc.
Pick one thing on this list and take action today.
be amazed at how quickly it helps you think and feel
Your positive dog is hungry for some satisfying
nourishment. Go on, FEED IT!
"Yesterday's thoughts have
created your present.
Today's thoughts are
creating your future."
For week # 4, my suggestion to you is:
Change your thoughts, and you'll change your life!
looking for the best way to change the way
you think about your life –
All outer change comes from inner
You need to change your own thoughts first, in order to change your
And the most popular method of doing that today is with Subliminal
Audio CDs and MP3s!
Subliminal CDs and MP3 files are the perfect way to
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Without question, your thoughts and thought patterns control your life.
Subliminal programs help to change your thought patterns at the deepest
thereby changing your life as a direct consequence.
To explain these in more
depth, you need to know a little about something called "subliminal
Subliminal messaging is a method of sending messages directly to the
impressionable subconscious mind,
bypassing the more critical conscious mind.
There are many ways of doing this, including barely audible messages,
speed messaging, stereo confusion and other techniques.
The following subliminal CDs and MP3
files utilize the most
powerful of these methods, delivering powerful,
positive affirmations directly to your subconscious mind using the latest
(Please note that the actual affirmations sounds themselves are barely
so they won't disturb your listening experience.)
Your subconscious takes these commands and uses them to "update" your
deepest thought patterns,
and literally "reprogram" your mind with positive, new behaviors.
For example, you may use a subliminal
CD or MP3 file for
improving your confidence.
This program will send powerful affirmations to your subconscious such as "I am
The subconscious will then begin using this new thought as a base
and change the way you act and the way you see yourself.
Life Changing Audio CDs & Downloadable MP3 Files...
Subliminal programs are one of the most powerful methods of self-growth.
They're scientifically proven, they require NO effort, the
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Within days of using one of these subliminal programs,
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and you'll be excited and soon ready to start on your next subliminal
Here are just a few of the 120
powerful titles we offer...
Declare Your Femininity
The following affirmations
are used in this subliminal recording:
proud to be a woman! I enjoy being feminine;
Being feminine comes naturally to me;
I am glad to be female; I am comfortable with my femininity;
Every day I feel more feminine;
People admire my femininity; I am relaxed about being a
woman; Being feminine is easy for me;
I am a naturally feminine woman; I enjoy my femininity;
I am all woman; I am feminine and proud!
You Are A TOTAL Money Magnet
The following affirmations are used in this
I attract money!
I can make tons of money;
Making money is easy;
I know how to make money;
I make money easily;
Money comes easily to me;
Every day I make more money;
Money flows to me;
I enjoy making money;
Money is easy to make;
I am a Money Magnet!
Women's Ultimate Sexual Skills
The following affirmations
are used in this subliminal recording:
I enjoy my sexuality;
I am happy to be a sexual woman; I know what turns me on;
I know how to turn on my man; Everyday I enhance my sexual
It is easy for me to lose my inhibitions; I am always
learning new things about sex;
I find it easy to communicate my desires; I love being
sexual; I am a great lover;
I know how to greatly satisfy my partner; I am sexually
instinctive; I am a passionate lover;
I enjoy sex; I am a sex queen!; I am a sex
Other great titles include:
I am a Confident & Powerful Woman;
Increase Your Confidence With Men;
Become A Total Man Magnet;
Enjoy a Slim, Slender Woman's Body;
Beat Depression and Enjoy Life!;
Lose Your Fears Forever!
See Over 100 More Powerful CDs
These Subliminal CDs and
MP3s really do work wonders!
I play the "Declare Your Femininity" MP3 everyday while working at my computer!
For week # 5, my suggestion to you is:
Pick a direction that
MOVES you, and move in THAT direction!
A major problem I have noticed over my
many years living in and among the transgender
community is, that so many Male-to-Female transgender persons never really manage
to find a real,
meaningful purpose in their lives. And without a real purpose, they tend to
aimlessly through life, never really making a positive difference in
anybody's life but their own.
Just like one of my all-time favorite motivational speakers,
Zig Ziglar, says...
"You will never make it in life as a wandering generality,
you MUST become a meaningful specific."
One enormous benefit to having a definite
purpose in your life is that...when you're truly focused
on making a positive difference in the world, all of these issues that would
normally depress you,
just seem to 'bounce off' of you. Problems such as, society not accepting you, your
boss and coworkers
being jerks to you, your financial situation hurting and many others all
tend become rather petty and trite.
They just don't mean so much when you have a well-defined goal that will
make a difference in the world.
The trick is, getting past your own petty
selfishness, and throwing yourself into a cause that
moves you, and that makes you feel enthusiastic about getting out of bed
When you are "tuned into" a life-changing purpose that moves you, you will
see that the
common everyday annoyances and pet-peeves no longer have any effect on you.
Why is that? It is simply because you are now focused on the bigger picture
of your life.
Why is it, whenever I attend a meeting
for one of the non-profit organizations I work with,
it is almost always the genetic females in the groups that are the ones who
are typically raising
their hands to volunteer to help out with the various activities? Whereas
(99 times out of 100),
the males avoid getting involved altogether.
If you want to become truly feminine, then you MUST be willing to offer your
GET INVOLVED in a cause that moves you!! :o)
Another of my favorite speakers,
Jim Rohn, often says...
"If you do not stand for something, then you
will most likely fall for anything."
For week # 6, my suggestion to you is:
Whatever you want to happen in your life, ask
yourself why it is so easy to have it!
That may sound a bit strange to you. But
the simple fact is, your subconscious mind works just like
an Internet search engine. When you ask it a question, it searches for the
If you weigh 200 pounds, and wish to lose 50 pounds,
don't say things like "I want to lose 50 pounds."
That will never happen for you, because your subconscious ONLY recognizes the
here and now...
NOT the future!
And since your subconscious currently sees you as weighing 200,
it will sabotage all of your efforts to lose any weight.
Instead, you can make that far more effective if you change it to
"Why is it so easy for me to weigh 150 pounds?"
That way, your subconscious will SEE YOU at 150 pounds, and it will do
to make 150 pounds a reality in your life!
Other common examples are:
"Why is it so easy for me to earn $100,000 per year?"
"Why are so many beautiful and desirable men/women attracted to me?"
"Why is my life so easy and rewarding now that I have become a positive
"Why do I have so many wonderful and loyal friends wanting to be with me?"
"Why is my entire life becoming better and more feminine everyday?"
Etc., Etc., Etc.
PLUS, if you repeat your questions over
and over several times per day, it will compound your
results, thus making your wishes become reality in your life that much faster!
It WORKS....you'll see!!
Your motivational quote of the week...
"Why does everybody love me for the feminine woman
For week # 7, my suggestion to you is:
Thank everybody you care about and are grateful
Are there people you feel thankful that
they have come into your life?
If so, then TELL THEM !!
Tell them something like...
"Thank you for dealing with and surviving all of the negative stuff
throughout your life.
If you hadn't put up with all of that, you would not be such an integral part of my life
My life would not be the same if I had never met you.
I am sincerely grateful to you for coming into my life."
You will be surprised how endearing they
will feel toward you.
Plus, it makes you feel WONDERFUL!!
Your motivational quote of the week...
You will find as you look back upon your life that
the moments when you have truly lived are
the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."
For week # 8, my suggestion to you is:
Start your own Gratitude Journal
Take 4 minutes everyday to write down
everything you feel grateful for.
If you feel grateful for good friends, loved ones, pets, nice weather,
etc...write them all down.
Everyday, try to add more new things, people, events, etc. you feel grateful
Do this for a while, and you will notice your negative attitude becoming
completely positive in a big hurry!
Your motivational quote of the week...
"When you're nice to people, they want to be nice
back to you."
Jack Canfield: American motivational speaker and author
For week # 9, my suggestion to you is:
Create an Appreciation & Depreciation Journal
Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle
from top to bottom.
At the top of the left side, put the word "Appreciation"
And at the top of the right side, put the word "Depreciation"
Under Appreciation, write down anything that you see or experience that
makes you feel good.
Under Depreciation, write down anything that you see or experience that
makes you feel down or frustrated.
If you've received a nice compliment today, write
that under Appreciation.
If you were insulted or offended today, write that under Depreciation.
If you saw a rabbit or a bird, etc. today, and that made you happy, that
goes under Appreciation.
If you were angered by another driver on the road, that goes under
If you made every green light while driving to work, put that under
If you hit ever red light coming home from work, put that under
Depreciation. Etc., etc., etc...
This awareness technique will
show you how you can literally change ALL of your negative thoughts
into positive feelings with this one very simple (and fun) exercise.
Do this powerful technique for the next seven
days or more.
What you will quickly discover is that, at first, your
Depreciation list will probably be much
longer than your Appreciation list. But, after a few days, you will
to notice that your Appreciation list will become considerably longer
than your Depreciation list.
And eventually, you will no longer see or feel anything negative
Your Depreciation list will soon cease to exist, because you will begin
to see a bright side
to everything that you experience.
Your motivational quote of the week...
shortest distance between two people is...HUMOR"
For week # 10, my suggestion to you
Make two lists...
In the first
list...write down 10 things that you truly like about yourself.
In the second list...write down 10 things
that other people like or admire about you.
Hold onto those two lists, you're
going to need them later on in your life!
Have an AWESOME
Your motivational quote of the week...
out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to
feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new."
Motivational speaker and self-help author
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Process of Change
Wouldn't it be
nice to live in a world where everyone was happy and whole...a world
where peace, balance and harmony prevailed...a world where patience,
love and joy abounded?
What if everyone felt successful in their endeavors?
(parents of transgender children)
by Gianna E. Israel
Anyone who has been a member of the transgender community for any
significant length of time
has heard the horror stories. Some of us have experienced the situation
This article focuses on coping with the situation of a problem parent, one
who says get lost after discovering their (adult)
child has a transgender identity or cross dresses.
It is emotionally devastating when a parent says "go away," or "I can't
support what you are doing."
Earlier during their lives, many transgender men and women never imagined
that it would happen to them.
After coming to terms with crossdressing or having a transgender identity
some expected to be abandoned.
Sometimes abandonment happens, other times support comes when least
Dealing with parents while coming to terms with our self identity can be a
very frightening experience.
Adult children and their parents have unique relationships. Even though
their children may be grown,
most parents do not stop investing their hope, caring and love into their
Throughout their adult lives children hope to have their parents available
for friendship, guidance and insights.
After all, parents have traveled many of the life paths children are just
coming to face during adulthood.
The absence of parents can be a hardship. Without them, adult children are
left to seek wisdom from others.
"Adopted" parents can include friends, careproviders or other relatives.
Sometimes more compassion,
caring and insight can be found from these persons, even though the
relationship may not be recognized.
Introducing a transgender identity or crossdressing needs into the adult
child-parent dynamic can raise concerns
that parents have difficulty answering. Did I do something wrong?
Will others judge me because my child has a transgender identity or
Is this just a phase that didn't get resolve during childhood? Parents also,
like others, tend to promote their own biases.
For example, frequently I have heard parents make the statement that they
their child become one of those people.
In most circumstances the adult child has more information about gender
issues than the parent.
This is even so for newcomers to the transgender community. Persons in the
process of coming out can share
how their feelings and experiences differ from non-transgender persons. At
best, during disclosure a
transgender person would be well-served to not over focus on how disturbed
they feel or how much pain they are suffering.
Instead, educated with easy to understand facts about transgender issues.
Having this information available helps portray that you are in control!
Most people do not respond well to dramatic scenes because it leaves an
impression that the person who is unbalanced.
When disclosing to close family members, it is generally best to speak with
a gender- specializing counselor
about potential approaches and possible consequences.
Parents can respond very differently to hearing their son or daughter has a
transgender identity or crossdresses.
In my experience as a gender specialist I have observed that typically
parents respond to this issue much
as they would other serious issues. For example, the parent who disowns
their son or daughter because they
dropped out of college, may also disown after the child discloses his or her
However, many parents often only temporarily turn away until they have had a
chance to sort out their feelings.
During disclosure some parents may not want to hear about it. Because this
is such a personal issue,
transgender persons are well-advised to expect any number of responses
during disclosure to parents.
They also should be mindful that situations change, and more parents
accepting later than those who don't accept at all.
Being abandoned by one or both parents may come in many forms.
Partial-acceptance sometimes can
present unusual situations. For example, I have many clients whose parents
do not object to the individual living
in role part or full-time. However, at public or important social events the
parental foot comes down.
Don't you dare show up at your sister's wedding dressed that way! Another
example that is common is
for one parent to be partially accepting but refuse to allow the other
parent to be informed.
These half-abandonment or half-acceptance situations can create a number of
and it is often wise to seek third-party advise on how to deal with them.
For instance, imagine the difficulties
it would present if a post-operative transgender person was told that one
parent was dying,
however the other parent insisted that this person not show up at the
bedside with a new identity.
Complete or long-term abandonment by parents is something many transgender
men and women might anticipate.
However dealing with the situation is possible. Early I introduced the
concept of "adopted" parents.
These persons can change over the years, and even if the relationship is
unrecognized it can be a blessing.
Adopted parents should be part of the transgender persons support network
which helps provide
guidance and insights during time of need. Also, as adults children become
their own parents.
As such, we are responsible for our actions and responsibilities. We are
also responsible for nurturing ourselves
when parents no longer do so. When rejected we frequently must decide
whether to maintain contact with
parents who have disowned us. Sometimes doing so regularly, such as with a
monthly letter, can be beneficial.
Other times one is left to call into question whether parents who abandon
their children, even as adults,
are the type of people with whom one would care to keep contact.
Ultimately, when dealing with parents who have abandoned, transgender men
and women are left to follow their hearts.
Telling Your Parents
by Gianna E. Israel
Telling Mom and Dad that you crossdress, have questions about your gender
identity or that
you are making a gender transition, each can be a difficult process. This
article explores preparing for that process.
Before actually introducing the subject to your parents, there are many
questions which are helpful to examine.
What do you hope to gain from disclosing? Most persons disclose to their
parents with the hope that at the very
least their parents will acknowledge the issue exists, and perhaps be
accepting or supportive.
Gaining this type of acceptance in many circumstances is not always
immediately possible, particularly when
the parent responds with rejection, denial or indifference. Occasionally,
when a person least expects it,
a parent may give unconditional support. Whatever you feel your situation
before disclosing you should be prepared for a wide-variety of responses.
Is disclosing to parents actually necessary? Not always. Persons who share
their gender issues with others,
in many circumstances are best served by only doing so when telling is going
to increase the quality of the relationship.
While most persons recognize this when it pertains to friendships and
they are not aware that sometimes telling parents about their gender issues
may not be beneficial.
This is particularly so if the person has no experience talking about gender
issues with others or has no support system.
Most persons disclose their gender identity issues seeking some type of
This process can be a healthy part of defining one's sense of self, however
it can also be misplaced depending
on the circumstances. For example, if a person's primary motivation for
sharing originates in a desire to share
experiences and needs, than these are good things. However, if a person's
motivation is designed solely to gain
emotional support in a time of crisis, they may find the parent so shocked
by the news that little support is gained.
Additionally, disclosing during times of personal crisis may unnecessarily
portray you as unstable.
In most circumstances it is best to first seek validation as well as
emotional support from persons
familiar with gender issues.
Generally, the more invested you are in incorporating crossgender elements
in your life the more essential it
becomes to have a "support team." Utilize your support team to learn about
disclosure, talk about your feelings,
hear about the experience of others, talk about your own and get feedback on
Having done these things
you will then be better prepared emotionally to
disclose to your parents.
For example, you will be able to relay the fact
that exploring gender is a
healthy part of self-development, and do so with confidence!
There are a number of other questions you may also ask. How validating have
your parents been regarding you or
your siblings needs? How well do they deal with hearing difficult news?
Also, what views do they hold regarding
matters of personal independence, and gender or sexual identity issues? Your
answer to these questions can
lend important insight into how your parents may respond to your disclosure.
If your parents have not been
supportive of your personal growth and needs in the past, that is a fair
indication they may not be so regarding this issue.
If your parents are relatively accepting of persons having different gender
or sexual issues, then they may so with you.
As you examine these questions, take time to find out how others have dealt
with parents having similar attitudes.
When faced with the prospect of disclosure, many persons are uncertain how
much information they should tell
their parents. Choosing how much to disclose can depend on several factors.
These factors include their ability to
receive new or complex information without undermining relationships. Also,
you need to take into consideration
your own self-interests, including to what degree you believe gender issues
affect your overall life.
Examples of this process include a variety of possibilities. For example, a
person who only intends to crossdress
privately on weekends may or may not disclose. Sometimes this depends on
whether or not the person has concerns
about being discovered. Occasionally in these circumstances it is better to
disclose on your own, rather than having
your parents find out through another source.
The transgenderist or transsexual who intends on living "in role" or making
a permanent transition, obviously will need
to do more disclosure. If you are convinced that living in role and having
surgery are the right steps for you,
be cautions how
you portray these to persons not familiar with gender
issues. In these situations it is best to inform
others that living in
role are steps of a "real life test" which will help
you determine which permanent changes are right.
Clearly this would
include surgery. Disclosing information which portrays an
interest in thoroughly thinking through
changes shows good judgment.
As you prepare for coming out to your parents, remember that initially these
issues can be difficult for others
to understand. Do not give so much information that your mother or father
ends up confused.
Stick with the basics. Initially you might set the stage for discussion by
simply stating you have been having
questions about gender or that you currently are seeing a gender specialized
Once you are prepared to come out,
let them know how these changes will
effect you and them. Invite questions.
If you are uncertain what the future holds,
confidently state so and let
them know you will keep them
informed of developments.
If your parents are important to you then disclosing in person is
preferable, doing so by telephone is good when
physical proximity doesn't allow face-to-face contact. You may prepare for
the occasion by writing out your thoughts
in a letter. Write out your thoughts, edit and pass your letter past several
informed persons you trust.
Try to avoid overemphasizing how anguish you have suffered or how
desperately you fear losing them. Be confident.
Try to save the more unsettling details for a conversation after your
parents have heard the basics.
In my practice I regularly provided consultations to parents seeking
information about gender issues from an objective,
specialized source. You can do the same by providing your parents 3rd party
literature that they can read about the
issues you are facing. Examples of literature include:
The Uninvited Dilemma (Kim Stuart) or Information for the Female to Male
by Gianna E. Israel
I remember years ago when I began my transition that there were days when
the whole world seemed against me.
After adopting my new identity, people who had never visited my office
before stopped by to socialize.
Curiosity seekers, this continued for several years. Often while passing
through San Francisco's business and
shopping districts, on my way home from work I frequently was the only
transgender woman I saw.
At times I received disparaging comments from strangers, homeless people,
On several occasions I was asked to leave both gay and straight business
The request usually stated we do not serve your type of people here. There
have also been times I was spat upon.
Those early years were often very discouraging, yet I knew my self-identity
was strong and I persevered on the
only path I knew. This article's subject is on perseverance, and several of
its key components.
Perseverance is needed if you wish to be true to yourself and your goals.
Perseverance is very hard work. Its believing in yourself, your ideas and
Often in the face of criticism and other's disbelief in who you are and in
what you are capable of accomplishing.
Perseverance is a commitment, a dedication to yourself and following through
with your actions.
One of the key elements which is needed in order to persevere, is
Whether a person is making a transition, coming out to parents, looking for
a new job, or dealing with
a difficult challenge, it is extremely important to acknowledge the activity
Sometimes during a challenge or crisis the simplest of tasks become
At these times it is important to recognize our actions as persevering,
because it may take additional energy
to stay with one's plans. Other times, if the work isn't actually difficult
we may take our actions for granted
and not recognize that there are benefits to our work. As a rule people tend
to be success-driven,
however there are often many reasons people show perseverance. As you
develop plans it often helps to
question your motivation in order to determine if perseverance is worth it.
Am I doing this for my benefit?
Am I doing this for others benefit? Do my plans have the potential to hurt
others or myself?
What is the benefit of acting now, over waiting to act or letting someone
else take on the responsibility?
In acknowledging progress or difficulties, do not be afraid to acknowledge
when you are doing difficult work.
Doing so provides an inroad to recognizing that you will become accustomed
to the work you are doing,
and that persevering will be worth it. When your challenges seem
particularly difficult, remind yourself that you are human.
Do not wait around for other's permission, compliments or encouragement.
Feel good about your progress, and proud of the difficulties you endure.
During these feel-positive moments while acknowledging your limitations and
successes, do not be disillusioned.
It is equally important to recognize that while you may become accustomed to
following through with your plans,
one never becomes completely accustomed to certain types of difficulties..
This is particularly so when a person is persevering under discriminatory or
Therefore, if you should take on fighting against these factors in your
life, acknowledge the fight,
but also acknowledge the feelings that go along with the process.
You can feel good about taking on a challenge, but also recognize when a
situation is causing pain.
If you are dealing with a situation that is particularly painful or
challenging, do not hesitate to seek help
in dealing with your feelings so that you move beyond the pain to complete
During counseling sessions I often hear people complain about the
difficulties they are having,
and rightly so in many circumstances. Sometimes the changes we need to make
or conflicts we encounter are not
a matter of choice. Such situations often come as a matter of circumstance.
like many other issues in life, often present situations beyond our control.
Fore example, we cannot always control
whether people will accept us. Therefore, when we persevere through
difficult times we act with the hope of improving
our quality of life, even if it means being at odds with others.
Of the most common things I've noticed that people overlook is the role that
not making choices plays when we
are persevering. For example, when we are in the process of telling others
about our needs,
perhaps for the first time, we frequently forget what would happen if we did
not make our needs known.
Instead people generally spend a great deal of time observing how difficult
it was to come out.
Regrettably they often do not acknowledge that the effort was worth it
because otherwise their needs wouldn't get fulfilled.
Choice also plays a key role in perseverance because as we encounter
difficulties, sometimes we may wish
to re-examine whether our efforts are worth it. During this process it is
important to ask yourself questions?
Are you willing to settle for second best? If your efforts do not turn out
exactly as planned,
will the struggle still have been worth it? Will persevering now provide me
the skills to take on bigger challenges later?
While persevering, if you are engaging in something you believe in, that is
These days having the right to do or believe in something is often a much
Sometimes people take their rights for granted, putting themselves
completely before others.
Other times people do not realize that everyone has innate rights as a human
being, much like a human bill of rights.
This would include the right to make choices and accept responsibilities is
ours for the taking, insofar as we make
every effort to not hurt others during the process. We also have the right
to individual ideas and self-expressions,
as long as we do not trample upon others ideas or expressions. Feeling you
have the right to be who you are
and pursue your plans play a key role in perseverance, because it provides
self-confidence while you pursue your objectives.
I like people who persevere. They often having challenging stories and a
vast wealth of ideas and experiences.
People who persevere typically take ordinary skills and change our world for
the better, in both big and small ways,
instead of constantly complaining or criticizing. They also seem to have a
unique ability recycle old ideas to
create new poetry which rhymes with current times. And, while improving
their quality of life, often set positive
examples for others to do the same. If you look around our community, you
should have no difficulty finding people
who persevere. In fact, if you look in the mirror, I bet you will see one
This article is dedicated to Larry Burton, Sr., who reminded me what
perseverance is about and who inspires me.
Pretty In Pink Experience...
story) is taken from a
conversation I had with a dear TG friend regarding the
admiration and excitement we always felt while perusing the many store
of women's clothing during our childhood years....
Here is my side of that
Yes, Gina, I understand quite well the wonderfully hypnotizing effect those
'diabolical' clothing catalogs
can have on such an impressionable, aspiring young cross-dressing
enthusiast. I, myself, have been known
to purchase a few (thousand) skirts and blouses over the years.
Of course, today I only place orders online, so that I may take advantage of
deep discounts available
using the coupon codes from the plethora of 'promotional code' sites.
Some of which are listed on my ABGender.com site at:
Using those coupon codes on orders, I typically save 10-50% or get free
shipping, free gifts, etc.
Anyway, yes, I can even remember falling head over heels in love with an
amazing pink silk blouse from the
1976 JCPenney Fall Fashions catalog.
I can still visualize the photo of that absolutely stunning sugarbird pink
silk charmeuse blouse today...
in all of its exquisite detail, just as if that catalog was sitting right
here on my lap as I type this.
In fact, I loved that pink blouse soooo much that, for the next three
months, I saved and saved and saved
every penny I possibly could, and did yard work for my neighbors (I was only
11 at the time).
And then, in November, once I finally had saved enough money, I rode my bike
five miles through the cold,
snowy drizzle to the nearest JCPenney store, hoping to buy that very same
pink silk blouse
I had dreamt of night and day for months.
However, to my surprise, by that late date, I'd discovered that the pink
silk blouse I had so
intensely desired for so very long was NO LONGER
for the same price!
It was now on sale for a LOT LESS!!
I immediately grabbed that blouse in the size that I thought might best fit
After that, even though I had told the store manager that I didn't quite
have enough money to get the
matching (long, slim, fully-lined) black skirt with the blouse, she must
have noticed me earlier,
holding that skirt and blouse up to myself in front of a mirror
(and drooling profusely),
because she asked me how much money I had leftover, so (with a tear in my
eye) I reluctantly told her.
And, lo and behold, she offered me the skirt for that very same amount ($34
LESS than the price on the tag)!
I was in a delirious state of SHOCK! My dreams were coming true!!
Then, when she later asked me if this was a gift for someone special, I
rapidly fired back..."YES...ME !!"
I then proceeded to describe to her how long I had saved, and listed the
I had taken around my neighborhood, just so I could get enough money to buy
this amazing pink blouse.
I also told her how I had ridden my bike all the way from (my home, five
miles away) in this cold and miserable weather.
She said that she was VERY impressed with my determination and enthusiasm.
She then inquired as to what size skirts and blouses I normally wore. I told
her that I didn't know for sure,
because this was my first purchase of pretty clothes.
Then she suggested that I take them into the fitting room and try them on to
make sure they'll fit me.
Needless to say, I was soooo happy to finally SEE myself dressed CORRECTLY
for the first time in my life!!
I was in complete awe of that indescribable vision I saw in the mirror!
And, as it turned out, it was a good thing I did try them on, because I
needed a size larger for both the skirt and the blouse.
Following that event, I was 100% HOOKED on
femininity for life!!
There could be no question about that. That was definitely my proverbial
epiphanous "Ah-hah" moment.
Even though I had already KNOWN that I was SUPPOSED to have been born a girl
at age 3.
Looking back on that fantastically liberating experience today,
I cannot recall very many treasured days as joyous and downright stimulating
as that one. <grin>
Must I Always
by Gianna E. Israel
One of the more highly coveted aspects of transgender living which receives
a great deal of focus is being
able to "pass" while crossdressed or living in a new gender role. Being able
to pass has its benefits.
For example, people use correct pronouns and terms of reference.
Also, a transgender man or woman does not need to worry about receiving
second glances and unsolicited
comments. Passing simplifies life considerably for the person who only
and it also reduces the risk of being victimized by persons who cannot
tolerate difference in others.
There is also, however, a lighter side to the subject of passing. As both a
gender specializing counselor and
transgender woman, I have the opportunity to hear as well as experience
interesting events involving pass
or not passing. As a full-time counselor with a primary focus on gender
issues, I am also in the
unique position of being able to call myself a "transgender spotter."
Without any doubts, I can spot the majority of transgender persons, even
several blocks away.
This ability introduces a question. What distinguishable characteristics
lead me to believe
I have spotted a transgender person? First, my ability to do so is greatly
assisted by my location.
Like other major cities it easy to spot transgender people occasionally as
This is particularly so near my office, where within a 4-block radius at
least one dozen transgender
men and women either reside or work. Transgender persons who live in areas
with high numbers of others
with gender issues, should note that this makes them more likely to be
For example, in San Francisco I am noticed all the time because people are
more aware of transgender issues,
yet while visiting New Orleans or Portland people rarely spot my
A combination of a person's physical characteristics, body language, and
clothing all play a key role in passing.
I call the embodiment of these elements "presentation." One does not simply
hoping to pass by play- acting a part, one becomes a transgender man or
Whether a person lives in the new gender part or full- time, pulling
together an consistent presentation
greatly increases chances at passing. Furthermore, a consistent presentation
is easier for others to understand.
One of the most common concerns transgender persons in the process of coming
out have is the
concern that one or several physical characteristics may ruin a person's
chances of passing.
In many cases this fear is unnecessary, particularly since as the individual
focuses on pulling together more
and more details their presentation will improve. Generally speaking, people
do not walk about looking to see
if others have big feet, broad shoulders, or are wearing a wig. Thus, if
someone's overall presentation is
fairly well pulled together, there is a good chance they may pass and not
even realize it.
There are a number of details a person can focus on to increase their
This includes learning the art of proportional dressing. For example, it is
commonly known that round-shaped
women should avoid wearing mini- skirts. However, what may not be known by a
person lacking experience
dressing as a woman is that wearing a shorter-length skirt may be possible
if paired with a longer-length
sweater or blazer. Also, remember that large body features can showcase
The art of building a presentation also takes an emotional commitment, which
Does my clothing match my age, social position, and the occasion? Is it OK
to dress differently than
other transgender men or women? Are my clothing colors conducive to feeling
good about myself?
If I am spotted, is it OK for others to notice I am a transgender person?
Do I always have to dress as others expect me to? Does my appearance match
my gender identification?
Making an emotional commitment to one's presentation is a unique and
It primarily involves giving yourself permission to be who you are and
allowing others the right to their
own perceptions and beliefs. As a personal example, a few years ago I was
approached by a
husband and wife from Venezuela. After providing them with directions the
husband complimented me in
the kindest of tones by stating that I was the most beautiful man he had
As a transgender woman, I could have overreacted and became offended.
However, understanding that this couple may not have ever encountered a
transgender person before,
I accepted the compliment graciously and explained that I lived as a member
of the opposite gender.
Returning to the subject of transgender spotting, what most frequently leads
me to believe I have
spotted a transgender man or woman is the body language and energy or
chemistry a person emits.
At times a transgender person may put forth energies which are a mixture of
masculine and feminine.
This is OK because we are transgendered. I have also noticed that
transgender persons put forth a
more subtle energy which reflects their experiences. These energies can best
be characterized as
empowerment, self-confidence, and an ability to survive. Our bodies become
the embodiment of our efforts,
and our beauty shows when we give it a chance to blossom.
A relatively new dynamic concerning the ability to pass is choosing to be
"out" or not making any significant
attempts to hide one's transgender identity. This dynamic has become more
evident in locations where
larger numbers of transgender people live. These people are making a
statement of being proud,
strong, and transgendered. They welcome people's curiosity, and do not mind
answering questions about
their apparent differences from others. The nice thing about this approach
is that one no longer has to
worry about being found out.
In closing, the experience of passing also has a humorous side.
Some years ago I was visiting my physician's office and was treated by a
Without warning, this delightful woman suddenly turned into any
She announced that she was immediately stopping my hormone prescription.
I gagged! When I calmly asked why, she stated that my medical chart showed
no records of having a
gynecological exam. Ha-Ha! Keeping my amusement to myself, I gently asked
if she could put the chart down and look at me. After she did so, I
explained much to her surprise that
I was a transgender woman and that a pap smear wasn't necessary.
She laughed, and I did as well, since I had assumed that I rarely pass.
The lesson is one we all can learn. Sometimes we pass and sometimes we
By Gianna E. Israel
It is an eventuality that everyone encounters
and for transgender individuals there is certainly no escaping it.
My guess is if you have a transgender identity and were to make a list of
frustrations you've encountered,
gender-related issues are somewhere on that list.
If you are interested in reading about difficult experiences that other
transgender persons encounter,
the following are examples: -- Not being approved for hormones.
If this continues beyond three to six months get other professional
Not being able to figure out clothing and make up. Ask your friends or
support group members for help.
Also, seek consultation at department stores. The Internet is also a great
source of tips.
Other transition difficulties involve family members.
Often a spouse or parents will have been told to too much, too soon.
This often occurs at the very beginning of transition before the transgender
person receives enough
information to adequately manage the disclosure. In some circumstances the
questions are relentless.
What is to be done?
One winning strategy is to figure out responses or answers that will buy you
This will allow you to consult with a gender specializing counselor, as well
as understanding friends,
and gain a consensus of what seems to be the best approach in your
Frustration during transition and beyond is just as likely to occur from
internal dilemmas as external situations.
When this occurs, it is helpful to have a review of coping tools you can use
to master the experience.
Just when it feels as if the world is caving in on you, that you are
helpless to deal with matters,
that is the time to develop a strategy to regain self control. Some people
choose to take a 'time out' from a
difficulties, others call a friend and ask for help. What may be most
helpful, is to remind yourself
that most circumstances are manageable. In fact, it's highly likely that
you've already developed that
skills to creatively deal with the situation, and it may be wise to review
things that have worked for you before.
If you haven't dealt with a situation before there is a good chance an
experienced, knowledgeable friend has.
Whether you or they have, it's critical to recognize when a situation feels
overwhelming and may impair
your judgment. In other words, learn to recognize when you are least likely
to make good, informed decisions.
For most people this includes time when one is extremely tired, anxious,
depressed or isolated.
Being transgender there is also the likelihood that others, generally
will intentionally make issue of your being transgender. Often these are
bullies who must pick on
other's perceived differences to make themselves feel bigger or better. And,
there are also individuals
who will be more subtle by excluding you from activities and opportunities
extended to others.
This type of harassment and discrimination can be very frustrating. Do not
fall into the trap of believing
something is wrong with you. If you are harassed, decide whether it is worth
your effort to confront the person.
Essentially, if you feel the chances of
this occurring with the same person are high, tell the individual
his or her behavior is small and does nothing to reflect better qualities.
If you feel you are being discriminated against, such as in the workplace,
consider pointing out your skills -
and reasons why you should be included or promoted.
If you consistently find yourself excluded or denied advancement
begin developing documentation regarding this and discuss it with a
therapist or attorney.
If one thing is certain, as a transman or woman you will develop a wealth of
with frustration over time. Matters generally do get better for most people
If you find this not to be the case, consider seeking short term counseling
to learn how to deal with
anger management and frustration. Or, talk with several friends or
colleagues and ask what
strategies they use to improve their situations.
Any effort you make to improve yourself can either be used to deal with
matters or find a better situation.
by Gianna E. Israel
Have you run into the gender mirror lately? What happened when you looked at
Did you see a man, woman, transgender person?
Sometimes looking at our reflection can be disappointing, other times
A lot happens each time we look into any mirror. Certainly we see our
However if we linger long enough we can also see other things.
Seeing one's reflection can spark memories of who we are and where we've
This includes our disappointments and successes perhaps. Our reflection can
also spark ideas about what
and where we would like to be in the future.
Many transgender men and women feel very dissatisfied when they look in the
Occasionally seeing the remnants of their previous gender role may make them
feel regrets for what they
could not experience in their former lives. Some also feel bad about
remnants of their old gender
because of others opinions. They may have been told that they didn't give
their original gender role a
chance to work, and so try to fit in, making their life more difficult.
As a transgender woman I am quite pleased to have lived as myself, as a
for many of the past years. Before then, for a number of years, I disliked
looking in the mirror and
seeing traits of masculinity. However as my life became more settled I grew
to enjoy seeing those
masculine traits as long as they didn't cause problems. After all, how many
women could profess to
having both pretty and tomboyish traits.
Granted, I realize some people may view my reflections as different.
There are occasions when looking in the mirror can be acutely painful. For
some, the gender may be wrong.
Or, perhaps a person's facial structure isn't as wished. Sometimes a person
may just be having a bad hair day.
There are other reasons why it can be hard to look in the mirror. These can
include some outside reason,
or possibly some inner hurt not noticeable by others.
Can you think of outside reasons a person may not like looking in the
If you are like many of my clients and myself, I bet you can list half a
At the top of the list is harassment and persecution. It's sometimes hard to
feel good while looking in the
mirror while much of the world is saying we look ugly, deviant, or should
die. Those people are giving us the
message that they don't care about our feelings and that is emotionally
devastating at times.
Some of the internal or inside reasons a person may find it painful to look
in the mirror are easy to understand.
A person may not feel comfortable with their gender presentation because of
Or, the person may suffer from depression or lack of confidence. The fact
is, it isn't easy being transgendered.
Building the self-esteem needed to feel good about yourself when the world
is against you is very hard work!
There are a lot of issues to focus and think about before feeling good about
oneself is possible.
One of the questions I encourage my counseling clients to ask when they look
in the mirror goes as follows:
Is this a person I find lovable and respectable? If the answer is yes, you
have a head start into asking that
others treat you with the same respect that you give yourself (and hopefully
However, if the answer is no, you would be well-served to keep looking in
until you can pinpoint lovable and respectable traits unique to you.
Sometimes it isn't possible to find an overwhelming number of lovable and
respectable traits immediately.
I know personally, during difficult times I may have felt comfortable with
my gender identity,
however finding other positive traits wasn't so easy. It took several
serious minutes of reflection.
Sometimes I found it necessary to call a friend I trust and tell them I was
having an identity crisis.
An identity crisis happens most frequently when you look in the mirror and
say, who or what the hell is that?
Is that a freak? Is that a complete stranger? During times like this don't
call 911! Instead,
remind yourself that you are not alone in the search for who you are.
Everyone else does the same thing,
sooner or later, transgender or not. Take time to learn what is good about
Once you figure a few positive things out, tape a note or list right next to
Think about what the list says, and become accustomed to feeling and seeing
what is good about you.
I like self-identity mirror exercises. Perhaps the neatest one goes as
Some morning before you put on your clothing and face for the day, take a
moment to look in the mirror.
This nude reflection you see is who you really are. You are that much a man,
woman, transgender person
and human. What I like most is that we can add to and take away from various
presentations and appearances.
We are gifted with the ability to transition from wild and exotic to
sensible and sociable in a manner of minutes
with just a change of wardrobe and makeup. Learn to recognize this
flexibility in yourself.
Take into consideration the fact that the more flexible and willing to
change that you are,
the more adaptive you will become while dealing with life's circumstances.
Can't Sleep? 15 Tips You Can Try
by Connie Saindon, MA, MFCC, CTS
In animal sleep, a sloth sleeps 20 hours a day while a
porpoise sleeps half a brain at a time.
Birds do not sleep and rabbits and squirrels sleep 10-14 hours a day. People
need a wide variation of
sleep and can range from 1-10 hours a day. There is more need for sleep at
birth, while as we age our
sleep needs are less and lighter.
Sleep problems are a common symptom for people who are recovering from
One's usual methods for falling asleep may no longer work. Disturbing
thoughts of reenactment,
rescue or reunion may interfere with one's sleep cycle. Nightmares and sleep
terrors occur in
response to adjusting to shattered realties. Practice "Good Sleep Hygiene".
Here are some tips for you to try:
1. No reading or watching TV in bed. These are waking
If your insomnia is chronic, it is not a good thing to do, says Dr. Alex
head of Stanford Sleep Disorder Clinic in Palo Alto.
2. Go to bed when you're sleepy-tired, not when it's time to go to bed by
3. Wind down during the second half of the evening before bedtime. 90
minutes before bed,
don't get involved in any kind of anxiety provoking activities or thoughts.
4. Do some breathing exercises or try to relax major muscle groups, starting
with the toes and
ending with your forehead.
5. Your bed is for sleeping, if you can't sleep after 15-20 minutes, get up
and do something relaxing.
6. Have your room cool rather than warm.
7. Don't count sheep, counting is stimulating.
8. Exercise in the afternoon or early evening, but no later than 3 hours
9. Don't over-eat, and eat 2-3 hours before bedtime.
10. Don't nap during the day.
11. If you awake in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep
within 30 minutes,
get up and do something else.
12. Have No coffee, alcohol or cigarettes two to three hours before bedtime.
13. If you have disturbing dreams or nightmares add an ending that you want.
14. Schedule a half-hour writing about your concerns and hopes in a journal
every night to free up
your sleep from processing your dilemmas as much.
15. Listen to calming music or a self-hypnosis tape for sleep.
If sleep problems persist, contact your physician or mental health
Let them know what is happening in your life. Your problem may have either
psychological contributors. Sleep disorders are classified as chronic if
they persist more than one month.
There are of two major categories of sleep disorders.
They are Dyssomnias -- when there are problems with the amount, quality or
timing of sleep and Parasomnias --
when there are abnormal events occurring during sleep stages.
Sleep difficulties can mean that their is an underlying problem that needs
J. Christain Gillin, M.D. states that most patients that have a sleep
disorder have an underlying
psychiatric disorder. The different kind of sleep disorders include
daytime sleeping, Nightmare Disorder, Narcolepsy-irresistible attacks of
Sleep-apnea and Sleepwalking. Let us know if these tips help you and also if
you have one that works
for you and is not listed here.
About the Author:
Connie Saindon, M.A., MFT has been a Licensed Marital and Family Therapist
In addition to providing services for Individuals, couples and families, Ms.
Saindon is among the few
specialists in the field of violent death bereavement. Founder the Survivors
of Violent Death Program
and volunteer faculty at the University of California Medical School
Department of Psychiatry,
she is author of The Journey, Violent Death Bereavement: Adult Survivors
Workbook and contributing
author of Violent Death: Resilience and Intervention beyond the Crisis.